It’s Just A Boundary - Part 1

Boundaries are so needed in relationships, and they can be so hard to communicate at times. Maybe it’s because boundaries were never modeled for you growing up, maybe you struggle with people pleasing, or maybe it feels far too scary to use your voice. Whatever it may be for you, I want to offer some support to make boundaries feel just a little bit more doable for you.

What if I were to tell you that setting a boundary is about helping you love others well instead of holding onto resentment and letting bitterness take hold. Let’s think of a boundary as a fence around your internal house, a.k.a. your heart. Oftentimes, without boundaries, we can let everyone come into our house and stay as long as they please, all the while, we’re growing annoyed at how inconsiderate they are. Using a boundary or putting a fence around your house could allow others to know when they are welcome, and it allows you to keep your internal peace and love toward them.

A huge fear that can happen regarding boundaries is that you are going to hurt others or they will react harshly towards a boundary. Guess what?! The validity of a boundary is not determined by someone’s reaction towards it. Their reaction says more about them than it does about you. I’ve found it so helpful to go into a boundary conversation with a grounding statement that you can repeat to yourself internally even when things get intense, such as “boundaries help me love others and help others love me” or “my voice matters, and boundaries aren’t mean.”

Now that there’s been some reframing about using boundaries, it’s time to discuss how to actually communicate boundaries in a loving and clear way. Stay tuned for part 2 where I’ll lead you through helpful communication skills to use when setting boundaries.